For about a year now, I have been asking God and myself what it looks like to love Him with my mind. Today I think I found an important part of the answer.
Today I picked up a book called, Discipleship of the Mind by James W. Sire. I was a little skeptical at first - not because I don't believe in disciplining the mind, but because a lot of those kinds of books were a little too dry or bogged down in so much intellectual jargon that I often forget why I am reading in the first place. However, this book was different. What surprised me the most was this statement: "The Christian mind does not begin with a world view, not even a Christian world view. It begins with an attitude." Attitude? Not books and papers and philosophical debates ?
The attitude that Sire describes is rooted in reverential awe and humility before God. This was really liberating for me because it made me realize that spiritually intellectual expansion is not just another homework assignment. It is an act of worship based out of a curious awe of the Creator...and it's really simple. I confidently pursue wisdom out of a mindset that trusts in a God that is bigger than I can imagine, but makes himself available to me. I seek intellectual expansion knowing that He is the source of all true knowledge. Taking on this demeanor makes once boring studying an invigorating adventure!
I am simply over the moon with this simple discovery! :)
Friday, November 11, 2011
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
Humble Responsibility
"We have praise and worship and we study the Bible because we want to know about Jesus. We want to be like Him, and we're not ashamed to tell others about Him."
This is something that I said over and over again when I was helping my husband with the InterVarsity booth on Sunday. It's very true about InterVarsity and I loved sharing that with students. However, I realized that it wasn't very true about me. At least, it hadn't been very true about me in the past several years.
Lately, our church has been teaching about taking the Gospel to the whole world. One of our pastors gave a sermon on preaching a couple weeks ago, and she said that everybody has a responsibility to share the truth of Jesus' life with everyone in their realm of influence. Everyone is a preacher. To be honest, I didn't really know what to do with that. A lot of the teaching I received when I was younger in the faith instructed me NOT to preach at people, or thump my Bible in their face. I don't think that's what my pastor was suggesting, but I really had not grid for a bold presentation of the gospel. How was I supposed to bring Jesus into a conversation about....checking in to the hotel or making a dinner reservation? How could I preach about Jesus when I become a teacher? I asked for boldness, but I was still unsure. What did it look like for me?
I especially struggled with this because several of my closest friends do not completely accept Jesus as the only truth. And they have experiences and studies and research to kind of justify their stance. Their lives were more consistent in their belief system than my own in my belief system. Many times, it was them, not other Christians, that helped me through the toughest moments in my life. How could I turn around and tell them, "I know you really helped me out, but your whole belief system is..not whole at all"? I didn't want to preach at them and tell them they are wrong when they helped me figure myself out when I was completely lost.
On Sunday, the sermon, yet again, was about preaching. The passage was based out of II Tim 4:1-8, when Paul is giving his charge to Timothy. He knows he is going to be executed. He's going to die this time. And what does he say to his disciple? "Preach the word - always. Always be ready." At first, I had the same thoughts while I was listening to this sermon that I had had before. "What does this look like for me?" But then, I heard the pastor say, "Even if we know that they have rejected the gospel, that doesn't get us off the hook. We still have a responsibility to speak Jesus into their lives." Wow. Even if people reject the truth a gajillion times, we keep presenting it. Their rejection doesn't make the truth go away.
Now, I had a more important question - How do you want me to handle rejection, God? I may be a little tentative and unsure of telling people about Jesus, but I am clueless about where to go if someone says, "No thanks. Jesus died a long time ago and he's still dead." LIES! It is hard for me to take because many times I feel that if someone rejects Jesus, that they reject me, because He is a part of me...and I have a very hard time taking that laying down. My husband says it best, "Gabby is either syrupy sweet or a ball of aggression and fury." It's hard to keep the lioness on lock down...but that is another blog for another day. I am working on finding a middle ground.
So how does God want his people to handle rejection? He showed me II Tim. 2:24-26 - "And a servant of the Lord must not quarrel but be gentle to all, able to teach, patient, in humility correcting those who are in opposition, if God perhaps will grant them repentance, so that they may know the truth, and that they may come to their senses and escape the snare of the devil, having been taken captive by him to do his will."
I think He gets the last word.
God, teach me this humility.
This is something that I said over and over again when I was helping my husband with the InterVarsity booth on Sunday. It's very true about InterVarsity and I loved sharing that with students. However, I realized that it wasn't very true about me. At least, it hadn't been very true about me in the past several years.
Lately, our church has been teaching about taking the Gospel to the whole world. One of our pastors gave a sermon on preaching a couple weeks ago, and she said that everybody has a responsibility to share the truth of Jesus' life with everyone in their realm of influence. Everyone is a preacher. To be honest, I didn't really know what to do with that. A lot of the teaching I received when I was younger in the faith instructed me NOT to preach at people, or thump my Bible in their face. I don't think that's what my pastor was suggesting, but I really had not grid for a bold presentation of the gospel. How was I supposed to bring Jesus into a conversation about....checking in to the hotel or making a dinner reservation? How could I preach about Jesus when I become a teacher? I asked for boldness, but I was still unsure. What did it look like for me?
I especially struggled with this because several of my closest friends do not completely accept Jesus as the only truth. And they have experiences and studies and research to kind of justify their stance. Their lives were more consistent in their belief system than my own in my belief system. Many times, it was them, not other Christians, that helped me through the toughest moments in my life. How could I turn around and tell them, "I know you really helped me out, but your whole belief system is..not whole at all"? I didn't want to preach at them and tell them they are wrong when they helped me figure myself out when I was completely lost.
On Sunday, the sermon, yet again, was about preaching. The passage was based out of II Tim 4:1-8, when Paul is giving his charge to Timothy. He knows he is going to be executed. He's going to die this time. And what does he say to his disciple? "Preach the word - always. Always be ready." At first, I had the same thoughts while I was listening to this sermon that I had had before. "What does this look like for me?" But then, I heard the pastor say, "Even if we know that they have rejected the gospel, that doesn't get us off the hook. We still have a responsibility to speak Jesus into their lives." Wow. Even if people reject the truth a gajillion times, we keep presenting it. Their rejection doesn't make the truth go away.
Now, I had a more important question - How do you want me to handle rejection, God? I may be a little tentative and unsure of telling people about Jesus, but I am clueless about where to go if someone says, "No thanks. Jesus died a long time ago and he's still dead." LIES! It is hard for me to take because many times I feel that if someone rejects Jesus, that they reject me, because He is a part of me...and I have a very hard time taking that laying down. My husband says it best, "Gabby is either syrupy sweet or a ball of aggression and fury." It's hard to keep the lioness on lock down...but that is another blog for another day. I am working on finding a middle ground.
So how does God want his people to handle rejection? He showed me II Tim. 2:24-26 - "And a servant of the Lord must not quarrel but be gentle to all, able to teach, patient, in humility correcting those who are in opposition, if God perhaps will grant them repentance, so that they may know the truth, and that they may come to their senses and escape the snare of the devil, having been taken captive by him to do his will."
I think He gets the last word.
God, teach me this humility.
Monday, August 22, 2011
A quote from George MacDonald
"It may be infinitely less evil to murder a man than to refuse to forgive him. The former may be the act of a moment of passion: the latter is the heart's choice. It is spiritual murder, the worst, to hate, to brood over the feeling that excludes, that, in our microcosm, kills the image, the idea of the hatred."
Monday, August 8, 2011
I Just Love Him
Tonight my heart hurts. My heart hurts for my friends.
They are really good people. My friends are people that would give me all the money in their pocket, the time in the day, the food in their fridge, even if I had nothing to repay them with or even if I didn't talk to them for a couple months. They're just good people.
As generous and loyal as they are, though...not all of them love Jesus. I think a lot of them want to love Jesus. I think a lot of them really want a relationship with someone that will never let them down. But a lot of them are upset. Or angry. Or frustrated. Or confused. Or just...lost.
In the beginning, I became angry just like my friends became angry...and frustrated, and confused, and lost in my own murky thoughts and bad theology. But what I have realized is that my friends aren't angry with God. They're not frustrated with God. They're angry at God's people. They're frustrated at God's people.
My friends have been looking for a relationship with someone that will never let them down.....in Christians. My friends have been looking for a relationship with someone that will never let them down....in me.
And, this breaks my heart. I can't be perfect. I can't be Jesus. I try to be like Him, but I fail every day. Sometimes I think that my failures to be like Him have fueled their anger, frustration, and confusion. I just love Him. And He loves me. He loves them. I wish they knew that too.
Jesus, tell them you love them too.
They are really good people. My friends are people that would give me all the money in their pocket, the time in the day, the food in their fridge, even if I had nothing to repay them with or even if I didn't talk to them for a couple months. They're just good people.
As generous and loyal as they are, though...not all of them love Jesus. I think a lot of them want to love Jesus. I think a lot of them really want a relationship with someone that will never let them down. But a lot of them are upset. Or angry. Or frustrated. Or confused. Or just...lost.
In the beginning, I became angry just like my friends became angry...and frustrated, and confused, and lost in my own murky thoughts and bad theology. But what I have realized is that my friends aren't angry with God. They're not frustrated with God. They're angry at God's people. They're frustrated at God's people.
My friends have been looking for a relationship with someone that will never let them down.....in Christians. My friends have been looking for a relationship with someone that will never let them down....in me.
And, this breaks my heart. I can't be perfect. I can't be Jesus. I try to be like Him, but I fail every day. Sometimes I think that my failures to be like Him have fueled their anger, frustration, and confusion. I just love Him. And He loves me. He loves them. I wish they knew that too.
Jesus, tell them you love them too.
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Saturday, February 19, 2011
Hope is Pretty
I like to dress up.
I like to feel pretty.
Consequently, the two tend to go together for me.
Getting up and getting ready for school is my favorite part of the day. It's time for me to put myself together, make myself feel worthy (red-flag), and give the world a taste of who I am. For as long as I can remember, I've always become super excited for the first day of school not so much because I was going to see my friends again, but that I was finally going to get to wear that one outfit Mom bought that I had waited to wear for the first time on the very first day of school. On big test days, I would wear my favorite outfit for good luck and the extra confidence boost. It's still true today. Presenting a new concept to the students? Put on that new pencil skirt. Explaining a complicated game? Try the boots and the scarf routine! Getting a new batch of students? How about the cardigan and mary jane's?
Usually, this little confidence boost does the charm. The past week, however, it has not helped a bit with the set of eighth graders I've acquired. They are chatty, they are disrespectful, and they don't want to play games or speak Spanish! Needless to say, I've been frustrated with it - and especially with myself. I want to be the best teacher possible. I want to dot all the i's and cross all the t's and make them all speak Spanish all the time (or at least in my classroom). Its also sent me into a bit of a spiral of self-hatred. "Well, if I were really a good teacher, then those kids would be quiet when I told them to be quiet....if I had just set up this first, then maybe they would have listened and then maybe I wouldn't be so frustrated...." So the next day, and the next day, and the next day, I would try something new that I came up with and STILL the little boogers would not follow suit.
Not even pencil skirts or lucky scarves could pull me out of this one. I didn't even really want to wear these outfits, either. I didn't feel like they got me anywhere, even for myself. I didn't want to wear them because I didn't feel like a good teacher, and so I didn't deserve to wear the pretty things. I didn't like myself because I couldn't control the eighth graders. In my opinion, I was a crappy teacher. As they say in southern Ohio, I was "sufferin'".
So - after a couple miserable pity parties and crying sessions that I realized didn't get me anywhere either, I let God talk to me. He led me to a chapter about hope in this wonderful book called, A Long Obedience in the Same Direction by Eugene Peterson. The chapter is centered around Psalm 130 - which is basically a guy saying that his whole world has bottomed out and but that he was going to wait on God to show up, like the night guards wait for the morning to come. I didn't really understand at first why that was important, but Mr. Peterson linked the psalm to two things:
First, suffering is a natural part of the human condition. For some reason or another, especially in the United States, we think that the definition of a good life is a healthy happy one devoid of confusion, doubt, or trouble, but that's not what the Bible says. In I Peter 4:12a, it says "Do not think it strange concerning the fiery trial which is to try you, as though some strange thing happened to you." Jesus even says to his disciples, "In this world you will have trouble, but take heart! I have overcome the world." (John 16:23a).
I've read those things before, but they never really resonated until now. We're supposed to go through things that are hard. It's part of this deal called living. For some reason, I had always thought that if I was going through something and it was hard, then something was wrong with me. In reality, it's just the lot we're given, living in an imperfect world with imperfect people and imperfect situations.
The second thing that Peterson covers is the importance of hoping in God. To go back to Psalm 130, the writer talks about how his life is bottoming out, but that he is going to keep offering his life for God and wait for him, just like the watchmen wait for the morning. Watchmen stay awake all night because they have hope that morning will come. The writer in the psalm was claiming that no matter the darkness of his situation, he had hope that God was coming through for him, just as sure as the morning.
After reading this, I realized that I had put more hope in my competence and abilities and even my appearance than God. Wow. The Lord shone a light on my attitude. I wasn't praying this or saying this to God outright, but the disposition I had when I was putting myself and my lesson plans together during that rough week of eighth graders was - "God, my skills and my clothes are way better than what you've got to offer to me right now." When clothes and personal skills get more props than God, the Creator of the Universe, you know you have a problem.
It may be funny, but it's ridiculous! How can I trust in my competence and compare its power to be as sure as the coming dawn when I sometimes forget to set my alarm in the morning! Obviously, my hope has been in the wrong things. I've been trusting in my idols - image and competence - instead of the everlasting God.
This doesn't mean that I am going to throw my appearance to the wayside. I still like to dress up, and I don't think there's anything wrong with looking pretty. I just can't put full blown confidence in these things. I'm realizing that it is of the utmost importance to dress myself in hope when I approach the throne of God. Whether or not I feel like it or see the end of the tunnel, if I clothe myself with hope, that gets His attention - and I want His attention! I Peter 3:3-5a says, "Your beauty should not come from outward adornment or elaborate hairstyles and wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight. For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to adorn themselves."
I think I've found my new favorite outfit - Hope.
I want His attention.
I want to be pretty.
I'll wear hope - It's pretty to God.
I like to feel pretty.
Consequently, the two tend to go together for me.
Getting up and getting ready for school is my favorite part of the day. It's time for me to put myself together, make myself feel worthy (red-flag), and give the world a taste of who I am. For as long as I can remember, I've always become super excited for the first day of school not so much because I was going to see my friends again, but that I was finally going to get to wear that one outfit Mom bought that I had waited to wear for the first time on the very first day of school. On big test days, I would wear my favorite outfit for good luck and the extra confidence boost. It's still true today. Presenting a new concept to the students? Put on that new pencil skirt. Explaining a complicated game? Try the boots and the scarf routine! Getting a new batch of students? How about the cardigan and mary jane's?
Usually, this little confidence boost does the charm. The past week, however, it has not helped a bit with the set of eighth graders I've acquired. They are chatty, they are disrespectful, and they don't want to play games or speak Spanish! Needless to say, I've been frustrated with it - and especially with myself. I want to be the best teacher possible. I want to dot all the i's and cross all the t's and make them all speak Spanish all the time (or at least in my classroom). Its also sent me into a bit of a spiral of self-hatred. "Well, if I were really a good teacher, then those kids would be quiet when I told them to be quiet....if I had just set up this first, then maybe they would have listened and then maybe I wouldn't be so frustrated...." So the next day, and the next day, and the next day, I would try something new that I came up with and STILL the little boogers would not follow suit.
Not even pencil skirts or lucky scarves could pull me out of this one. I didn't even really want to wear these outfits, either. I didn't feel like they got me anywhere, even for myself. I didn't want to wear them because I didn't feel like a good teacher, and so I didn't deserve to wear the pretty things. I didn't like myself because I couldn't control the eighth graders. In my opinion, I was a crappy teacher. As they say in southern Ohio, I was "sufferin'".
So - after a couple miserable pity parties and crying sessions that I realized didn't get me anywhere either, I let God talk to me. He led me to a chapter about hope in this wonderful book called, A Long Obedience in the Same Direction by Eugene Peterson. The chapter is centered around Psalm 130 - which is basically a guy saying that his whole world has bottomed out and but that he was going to wait on God to show up, like the night guards wait for the morning to come. I didn't really understand at first why that was important, but Mr. Peterson linked the psalm to two things:
First, suffering is a natural part of the human condition. For some reason or another, especially in the United States, we think that the definition of a good life is a healthy happy one devoid of confusion, doubt, or trouble, but that's not what the Bible says. In I Peter 4:12a, it says "Do not think it strange concerning the fiery trial which is to try you, as though some strange thing happened to you." Jesus even says to his disciples, "In this world you will have trouble, but take heart! I have overcome the world." (John 16:23a).
I've read those things before, but they never really resonated until now. We're supposed to go through things that are hard. It's part of this deal called living. For some reason, I had always thought that if I was going through something and it was hard, then something was wrong with me. In reality, it's just the lot we're given, living in an imperfect world with imperfect people and imperfect situations.
The second thing that Peterson covers is the importance of hoping in God. To go back to Psalm 130, the writer talks about how his life is bottoming out, but that he is going to keep offering his life for God and wait for him, just like the watchmen wait for the morning. Watchmen stay awake all night because they have hope that morning will come. The writer in the psalm was claiming that no matter the darkness of his situation, he had hope that God was coming through for him, just as sure as the morning.
After reading this, I realized that I had put more hope in my competence and abilities and even my appearance than God. Wow. The Lord shone a light on my attitude. I wasn't praying this or saying this to God outright, but the disposition I had when I was putting myself and my lesson plans together during that rough week of eighth graders was - "God, my skills and my clothes are way better than what you've got to offer to me right now." When clothes and personal skills get more props than God, the Creator of the Universe, you know you have a problem.
Let's think about this in context of the psalm. Hmm. My psalm would have looked like -
"Help, pencil skirt - the bottom has fallen out of my life!
Classroom management skills, hear my cry for help!
[...]
My life's on the line before my competence and my fashion, waiting and watching 'til morning, waiting and watching til morning. Oh, Israel, wait and watch for the fierce boots and scarf!"
This doesn't mean that I am going to throw my appearance to the wayside. I still like to dress up, and I don't think there's anything wrong with looking pretty. I just can't put full blown confidence in these things. I'm realizing that it is of the utmost importance to dress myself in hope when I approach the throne of God. Whether or not I feel like it or see the end of the tunnel, if I clothe myself with hope, that gets His attention - and I want His attention! I Peter 3:3-5a says, "Your beauty should not come from outward adornment or elaborate hairstyles and wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight. For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to adorn themselves."
I think I've found my new favorite outfit - Hope.
I want His attention.
I want to be pretty.
I'll wear hope - It's pretty to God.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)