Pace-tience

I want to do ten million things, excellently, to completion, five minutes ago.

(Okay, who doesn't?)

But really, I have this terrible habit of being pulled by the whims of my fleeting ambition, making impossible to do lists, and then succumbing to paralyzing condemnation (for quite possibly a week to a month) when I cannot complete a single item from those lists. Sound like torture? It totally is. Except for the chocolate --- I usually will comfort myself with chocolate.

Chocolate aside, I am learning that the restlessness that propels this vicious cycle is in fact, the absence of something - patience.

It takes patience to lose weight.
It takes patience to garden.
It takes patience to develop a craft.
It takes patience to cultivate healthy, life giving relationships.
It takes patience to write a decent blog post. (ha!)

Recently, I met with a dear friend and artist that I admire. We were planning for an event in the spring, and after the meeting was over, she shared with me a new thing she is doing to develop her art - painting one piece a day.  Although I admired her fortitude, I was also quite jealous. Surely, I could do the same thing. Why, I SHOULD do the same thing. I should do it right NOW. I WILL. AND I WILL HAVE A GALLERY AND AN ART SHOW AND EVERYONE WILL LOVE ME FOR HOW CREATIVE AND AWESOME I AM. (Cue the trumpets and the wind blowing my hair dramatically while I am surrounded by epic original works of art by yours truly)

No joke, I started doodling something as soon as she was finished sharing some of her new pieces with me. It was only kind of good. And the other pieces that I have sketched this week are probably mediocre at best. This a far cry from the instant day dream that I had last Friday.

This is a cycle that has repeated itself over and over again in different areas of my life...and it is hardly ever life giving. Condemnation sneaks in and then depression and then I need Jesus and my friends to scrape me off the floor and breathe hope back into my soul.

Anyway, this week, I found myself thinking, "Why can I never complete things on my own terms?" Almost immediately I felt the Lord ask me, "Do you believe that my 'terms' for completion are better?"

So, God is teaching me what I like to call 'pace-tience'. Taking it slow doesn't mean not moving.

Writing a draft first and publishing after a day or two is okay.
Taking a week to carefully plan a party is okay.


 I can't run proverbial marathons at a sprint pace the whole way through. His way, a slower, more gentle way, is better.